Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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