I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
