OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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