ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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