I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
