he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
