anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
