What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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