Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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