I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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