id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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