i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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