what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
