He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
