going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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