I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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