my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
