I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
