I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
