A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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