You made me cry and you don't even care
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I need a burrito and a hug.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
