you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
