Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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