Your tits are I can't wait for
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
