we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
