I wish my penis had an off switch
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
