I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
