so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
