I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
