We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
