Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
