we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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