i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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