What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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