He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
