do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
