you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
