she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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