Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I supernannyed him into submission
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
