he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
