Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
