i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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