READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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