at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
