I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
