my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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