too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
