Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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