you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
