Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
