I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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