she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
