shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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