You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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