Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
