he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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