i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
