I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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